On Conflict

Our brains require stimulation. In one way or another, we always look for it. Some of us look for stimulation of our physical senses. Others search for other external stimuli such as conversation or discussion. Still fewer of us seek inner stimulation.

Few of us seek to use the same content, to remix and create with what we already have. The same can never stimulate like the different. The same produces a resistance, familiarity, expectations, comfort. That is why our entertainment centers around conflict whether it be sports, dramas, novels, debate, politics, or even business.

We say we want peace. Yet, the truth is, few actually do. If we had peace, many would be forced to confront our internal conflict. Most of us fear dealing with this because like every story arch, the end follows a resolution. Many of us fear, not the end of our story, but the end result. We fear becoming the final version, for it may not be what we want. We forget, that we may, yet, win.

Just a small town girl

So… the main reason why I’ve taken so long to start blogging is because I was (am) scared of putting myself out there. Even though every business and entrepreneurial book I’ve read emphasizes how vital vulnerability is for success, I have failed to expose myself entirely. I have succeeded in opening myself a bit more and therefore have gained the trust of many and heard their stories. These stories are a huge inspiration to me and actually, through a cross-examination with my own life, allow me to shift my perspective and as my mom would say “ubicarme” or locate my place in the world. It resembles that moment in a video game, where you are just learning the controls, and your view is either all the way left, or right, or bottom, or top. Hearing others has aided me in centering my view.

In celebration of the small wins I have had with opening myself up, I believe that it is due time for me to tell my story, entirely. Some may see it as an act of victimization, or as a means of getting attention. I assure you it is neither. Whether millions see this or only my close friends, this is purely an effort on my part to “put myself out there”, an effort to reclaim who I am and gain confidence in my own identity. This is something I have struggled with for a long time. Feeling like everything is out of my control and all. I mean, because it is, for the most part. God, put me here, on this earth, on this laptop, on your screen, for a reason. I don’t pretend to know why and have realized that trying to understand why will probably drive me nuts.

Essentially, the reason why I finally ended up making this blog, was to hold myself accountable to someone. It sometimes isn’t enough to tell myself that I am going to start opening up more. I don’t just magically turn into who I want to be, or show who I really am. The place that I am in feels very encasing, and I long to free myself from the box I have allowed to form around me. This truly is a journey for me therefore, I invite anyone who wants to form a part of this to tune in every day for the following week. In the following seven days, I will separate my life into sections. At least what I can remember. Of course there will be bias, it’s a narrative not a research paper. You see, I do have goals. Not being in control doesn’t make me immune to dreaming and hoping. It just makes me unmotivated. But don’t worry. This fire is starting to reignite. Alright. Thanks for reading this if you did and I hope you have a blessed day.